Stories of Delight and Distress From an ATM Queue

10:17 am

1,2,3,4,5,6,7…..24 women in the queue at the bank!

And the line of men? 1,2,3,4,5….okay I'll pass.

Shoot! Two twentysomethings have sneaked in ahead of me…

10:21 am

The FB statuses of my friends are now getting eerily familiar.

'...feeling frustrated at XYZ Bank'.

Switch to WhatsApp. Haha, these memes are a riot.

Keep scrolling. It’s going to be a loooooong day.

10:30 am

A boy of five stomps about, as his mother gazes ahead inattentively.

"Why are we here? Are we leaving soon? Is dad around? Where is he?"

He has a barrage of questions. The woman clutches his arm and pulls him forward.

The little one has no business at the bank, but his restlessness resonates with many.

10:54 am

"Do you have a xerox of any ID proof?" asks one bank official.

But I have 'PRIVILEGED BANKING' embossed on my cheque book right here!

"Sorry ma'am, but rules are…(daft chuckle)"

11:07 am

Yes! Finally located the boyfriend in the queue for males.

Send him off to xerox our PANs

11:10 am

He returns super prompt.

There's another queue at the photocopier!

Plus, he will not shell out Rs 10 for a photocopy which otherwise costs Rs 2.

11:16 am

Debate with boyfriend brought to peaceful end by a 50-something pro-demonetisation uncle who assures me that I just need to flash the proof.

No photocopy needed.

There are papers that are far more important — they come in pink and brown.

11:32 am

Have made some headway. A painstaking 5 mm.

11:45 pm

Stray (but potential ice-breaker) comment from Lacoste polo-clad woman behind me.

"I’ve never been to a bank alone. And now I am in the middle of madness."

Comment met with non-interest from the majority section.

But dolled-up girl weighs in. "I have to enter office by 11:00 am. Have been standing since 7:30 am."

I keep calm and put on headphones.

12:02 pm

Forward! 6 paces.

Collect cash, do not pass Go.

Man, this feels so MONOPOLY.

Will anyone GO TO JAIL?

12:17 pm

Bank officials further dissect the queues, based on business.

Withdrawals—separate queue

Deposits or exchange—separate queue.

Journos seeking soundbytes—separate queue

Jobless onlookers—separate queue.

12:40 pm

Stomach grumbles.

Should have had the extra paratha mom insisted on.

Network 18 creative (Judhajit Basu)

12:55 pm

What if the bank announces they've run out of cash?

The whole exercise is futile?

Keep calm and watch sadda Dilli munda click selfies with friends and a new 2000 note

1:10 pm

50 days seem too little a time to cater to the needs of 1.252 billion people

And too long a time to maintain resilience and equilibrium.

Let senior editor at work do the data crunching.

1:23 pm

Just let grandma in yellow salwar through to the head of the queue.

Morally feels good.

Reality dawns. I'm back to 12th position. That sucks.

1:32 pm

Call from boss. "Why aren't you in?" he thunders.

I explain.

Reverse firing.

"You should have told me. I could have sent some notes over with you!!"

1:40 pm

Funny sight in parking lot. BMW unsuccessfully trying to negotiate a host of bicycles parked behind it.

What a leveller this demonetisation is!

Do you remember when you learnt how to cycle?

You tumbled, fell, flayed yourself, before you started pedalling with élan.

Well, demonetisation is somewhat similar; only it's been more than a week and the country has not learnt to cycle yet.

1:56 pm

A notice? Bank official pastes a piece of paper on a makeshift notice board.

That's it. They aren’t issuing any more legal tender for the day. They've exhausted their supplies.

WT!@#$!

1:57 pm

WAAAARRRR! All hell breaks loose.

The serpentine queue hisses and envelops bank official.

Tempers rise with official’s nonchalant explanation that it was a given, and that the bank regrets it profoundly.

1:58 pm

Six new insults/cuss words learnt.

Bank official announces refilling of newer notes at 4.30 pm again

2:00 pm

Burly 40-something man mutters predictable 'What a waste of time'.

Did Gandhi’s grin on my sole Rs 100 note just get a little wider?

Nah, it’s the hunger effect.

2:15 pm

"McD?" asks boyfriend.

Surely they'll never be a burger crunch. Or will there be?