Supermodel Chrissy Teigen has penned an emotionally charged and powerful essay about losing her baby with husband John Legend.
On September 30, the 34-year-old model had posted about her heartbreaking loss on social media. She took to Instagram to reveal that doctors “were never able to stop the bleeding" despite “bags and bags of blood transfusions". Teigen was hospitalised a few days before she lost her baby after enduring a month of bleeding due to having a weak placenta.
“We never decide on our babies’ names until the last possible moment after they’re born, just before we leave the hospital. But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack. So he will always be Jack to us. Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever," her statement read. “To our Jack—I’m so sorry that the first few moments of your life were met with so many complications, that we couldn’t give you the home you needed to survive. We will always love you."
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We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before. We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough. . . We never decide on our babies’ names until the last possible moment after they’re born, just before we leave the hospital. But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack. So he will always be Jack to us. Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever. . . To our Jack - I’m so sorry that the first few moments of your life were met with so many complications, that we couldn’t give you the home you needed to survive. We will always love you. . . Thank you to everyone who has been sending us positive energy, thoughts and prayers. We feel all of your love and truly appreciate you. . . We are so grateful for the life we have, for our wonderful babies Luna and Miles, for all the amazing things we’ve been able to experience. But everyday can’t be full of sunshine. On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will hug and love each other harder and get through it.
For a few weeks after that, Chrissy had gone silent on social media. Now, she has opened up about her experience in a letter she has published on Medium. She begins the post by thanking everyone who supported her during the difficult time. “For weeks, our floors have been covered in flowers of kindness. Notes have flooded in and have each been read with our own teary eyes. Social media messages from strangers have consumed my days, most starting with, “you probably won’t read this, but…”. I can assure you, I did," she wrote.
She also opens up about partial placenta abruption which would ultimately lead to John’s demise. “After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming — it was time to say goodbye. He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either,” she wrote.
“I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness,” she continued. “Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again. Oxygen was placed over my nose and mouth, and that was the first picture you saw. Utter and complete sadness," she further added.
Speaking about the raw and emotionally charged photos that were posted on Instagram, Chrissy said that she insisted on them being clicked even if it was uncomfortable because she wanted to share it with others.
Her essay focuses on the birth, the final goodbye, her grief and how she dealt with the aftermath of her loss in the weeks that followed. She also encouraged others to share their stories of loss too.