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What if the apology issued by Flipkart is a mail sent out by the Ministry of Magic a day after Death Eaters attack muggles at the Quidditch World Cup?

Imagine Flipkart's apology mail actually emanating from Ministry of Magic after the disastrous Quidditch World Cup.

Rituparna Chatterjee | IBNLive.comMasalaBai

Updated:October 8, 2014, 12:51 PM IST
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What if the apology issued by Flipkart is a mail sent out by the Ministry of Magic a day after Death Eaters attack muggles at the Quidditch World Cup?
Imagine Flipkart's apology mail actually emanating from Ministry of Magic after the disastrous Quidditch World Cup.

E-retailer Flipkart held a 'Big Billion Day Sale' on Monday that had hundreds of thousands of people logging in to the site to book massively discounted products. But the sale ended in a public relations nightmare for the company that struggled with glitches as traffic peaked.

A day later, Flipkart admitted that the company was not prepared for the sheer volume of traffic coming to the sale. The company sent an apology mail to its customers and also posted it on its official blog.

You can read the text of the apology here.

I took the liberty to imagine the mail sent by Flipkart actually emanating from the Ministry of Magic addressed to wizards a day after the disastrous Quidditch World Cup saw Death Eaters openly terrorizing muggles at the venue. Harry Potter fans will know that this was the first time Death Eaters came out of hiding since the fall of Vol...You Know Who. Interestingly, the text of the Flipkart mail fitted seamlessly into the magical context and I did not have to edit much.

Enjoy.

Dear wizards,

Yesterday was a big day for us. And we really wanted it to be a great day for you. But at the end of the day, we know that your experience was less than pleasant. We did not live up to the promises we made and for that we are really and truly sorry.

It took enormous effort from everyone at the ministry, many months of preparation and pushing our capabilities and systems to the limit to be able to create this day. We were looking at fulfilling the dreams of millions of wizards through international cooperation and deals we had painstakingly put together for months.

And though we saw unprecedented interest in the Quidditch World Cup and owls like never before, we also realized that we were not adequately prepared for the sheer scale of the event. We didn't source enough muggle and wizard helpers in advance to cater to your requirements. To add to this, the load on our muggle ushers led to intermittent memory outages, further impacting your sporting experience at the site.

An unprecedented 1.5 million wizards watched the World Cup yesterday. While we stand humbled by the sheer faith that such a large number of sports enthusiasts around the wizarding world have shown in us, we are unhappy that we were unable to live up to the expectations of millions shocked at what happened at the venue soon after.

And this is not acceptable to us.

Delighting you, and every single one of our friends abroad, is absolutely the top most priority for the Ministry of Magic and we have worked very hard over the last seven years to earn your trust. Yesterday, we failed that trust. We have learnt some valuable lessons from this and have started working doubly hard to address all the issues that cropped up during this event.

Attack of the Death Eaters that endangered the lives of muggles: As we were preparing various promotional campaigns in the lead up to the World Cup, we failed to notice the plot several wizards with allegiance to You Know Who had hatched to destroy the confidence you have put in our abilities to fight the dark side. We realise that this breaks your trust in us and goes against the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy. We are truly sorry for this and will ensure that this never happens again.

Out-of-stock Issues: We ran out of the stock for many Quidditch products within a few minutes (and in some cases, seconds) of the event going live. For example, most of our special deals were sold out as soon as the match started. We had ensured availability, anywhere from hundreds to a few lakh units for various products, including Omnioculars, but it was nowhere near the actual demand. We promise to plan much better for future promotions and ensure that we minimise the out-of-stock issues.

Cancellations: We had large number of people buying tickets to the World Cup simultaneously. This led to some instances of a seat getting over-booked. We are working round-the-clock to ensure that this never happens again.

Site Issues: We realise that the site we chose was inaccessible for many of you who were coming to the event from many miles away. We had deployed nearly 5000 muggle and wizard servers to help you - but the volume of traffic at different times of the day was much higher than this. We are continuing to significantly scale up all our back end systems so that we do a much, much better job next time.

Everything that we have achieved at the Ministry of Magic is purely on the basis of our community's trust and faith. This is why we come to work each day and continue to remain extremely passionate about building the best possible experience for wizards. We failed to live up to this promise yesterday and would like to apologise once again to every single wizard for our failure.

Thank you.

Cornelius Fudge,

Minister of Magic

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